This week on “hold off, So is this a romantic date?” we’re joined by Autostraddle Chief Executive Officer and
L Word
expert
Riese Bernard
to talk about: The Chart. You heard that right! This episode is focused on lesbian interconnectivity â setting up with buddies’ exes, friends hooking up with the exes, and the culture created by all those things drama.
Arrive when it comes down to gossip, stay for your emotional processing. And before that enjoy a-game that tests Christina’s borders: Would U-Haul? (Spoiler alert: she typically wouldn’t normally.)
Thank you so much for all your great feedback after our premier! When you haven’t yet think about giving us a rating or review!
SHOW RECORDS
+ Five years ago Riese come up with an
Old Hollywood chart
this is the intersection of most my personal interests.
+ Here’s
the article
We reference in which We mention starting up with my roommates.
+ My crush of the few days Mj Rodriguez introduced a songs video on her behalf track
“one thing to state”
!
+ As somebody who has just seen some attacks of
The Nanny
this montage
of Christina’s crush on the few days C.C. Babcock was actually surprising to me with regards to turned-out she and Niles aren’t both homosexual. (Christina tells me they essentially nonetheless tend to be.)
Drew:
I’d end up being really okay with it current. I would personally never include someone else without their own authorization. Nevertheless the thought of every time some body was like, “make sure you may be linked to me,” I’d end up like, “Yeah, oahu is the life I stayed. I don’t mind.” Would be that unusual? Would be that an issue?
Christina:
No, since if I becamen’t, I would feel terrible not being. I would end up like, “Wait, I’m not sleeping?”
Theme track plays
Drew:
Hi, I Am Drew.
Christina:
Hi, I’m Christina.
Drew:
And welcome to
Hold Off, Is This A Date?
Christina:
Hold Off, Is This A Date?
is an Autostraddle podcast inquiring the big concerns. To begin with, will it be a date? What are dates? That happen to be dates? Do we like times? They are type of questions that we answer with this right here extremely specialist and beautiful podcast.
Drew:
I am Drew Gregory. I am a writer at Autostraddle and a filmmaker and, notoriously, a trans lesbian.
Christina:
I’m Christina Tucker. I am also an author at Autostraddle. I will be a loud queer on the net. I will be getting better at explaining myself personally as an author and, famously, a lesbian. That is you. That is who the audience is.
Drew:
Yeah. So all of our main subject this week could be the Chart.
Christina:
I simply believed it required a sting. I’m not sure. That believed really dramatic, but i do believe it required it.
Drew:
Yes. No, please, kindly, kindly. Thank you so much, thank you. No, no, no. The most effective number of crisis.
Christina:
Thanks.
Drew:
Yeah. Therefore we’re talking about lesbian interconnectivity.
Christina:
I favor that expression given that it feels like you will need to resume the lesbians. It may sound like the net connection isn’t working.
Drew:
Yes. it is extremely sophisticated, really futuristic, but additionally ‘s been around since there is lesbians, In my opinion.
Christina:
Yeah. I believe students would say after they found the first lesbian fossils, they found a data alongside of those created in to the sand. And I think that’s just what that film is focused on, right? It’s about the data? That flick with Kate Winslet in addition to sand fossils?
Drew:
Ammonite?
Christina:
Yeah, that is what it is more about.
Drew:
If only
Ammonite
involved cave women. I would enjoy that lesbian film.
Christina:
Really, when I have not observed it, I’m going to bravely declare that it absolutely was. Cool.
Drew:
Yeah. Since it is like we have so many lesbian duration parts, but we have now never ever gone back that much. And that I believe it’s the perfect time we carry out.
Christina:
Why don’t we simply hold taking it furthermore back in its history.
Drew:
Before we become to your major topic, you’re however getting to know you. And I also felt that it might be fun to experience a-game the place you men could really get acquainted with Christina. Very all of our icebreaker because of this few days is actually some game that we name “Would U-Haul.”
Christina:
I am, once more, thus pressured about this. This might you should be ways i-come inside video game. This could be my game mentality, somewhat high key, somewhat stressed. That’s okay. We are all discovering.
Drew:
I do believe which is fantastic. In my opinion that may allow you to be more vulnerable, possibly.
Christina:
Among my personal favorite thoughts.
Drew:
Just a terror, just a serious terror. And so the manner in which “Would U-Haul” really works is i will describe a scenario. Let’s refer to it as Christina enthusiast fiction. And that I’m likely to pause after each small section as want, “Okay, Christina, i am aware you have never stayed with somebody, do not want to live with a partner. But under these situations, would U-Haul?”
Christina:
And I also will sometimes say yes or I’ll state, “I’m ready.”
Drew:
Unless you â well, we will see here. But I’m thrilled. I do believe I’ve maybe cracked the code.
Christina:
You cracked the code? I’m excited.
Drew:
Why don’t we find out how very long this takes. And if you won’t ever do, In my opinion you winnings? I’m not sure how you’ll find champions here.
Hop over to here: /gay-fuck-buddy/
Christina:
I’m not sure that we now have winners from inside the game of U-Hauling.
Drew:
Really, I am not sure in the event that you’ll trust that after that. Therefore I’m going to get heading.
Christina:
Reasonable enough.
Drew:
Okay. Very, Christina.
Christina:
Drew.
Drew:
You’re at the buddy’s marriage. Despite the multitude of romcoms you absorbed, you probably did maybe not choose this wedding ceremony thinking you’d satisfy anybody because, well, this is simply not a romcom. This is actually the real and typical life of Christina Grace Tucker. You adopt your own designated seat as they are glancing at the phone once you understand a woman at your dining table wants at you. She presents herself as the pal’s previous baby sitter. She actually is stayed a friend of this family, but she does not truly know anyone there. She appears like mid-forties and has a striking angular face. You start chatting. She proposes to enable you to get a drink. And when she rises, you understand she’s six feet high, 6â² 3â³ in heels. You know very well what? I am simply likely to hold on there and start to become like, at this stage, would U-Haul?
Christina:
I am captivated. I am captivated because I might get put only at that wedding ceremony. But to date I am not U-Hauling everywhere.
Drew:
Cool. That is completely fair. Entirely fair. Okay. And that means you spend the whole marriage learning each other. There is merely an immediate spark and immediate biochemistry. And yes, you are doing get together together with sex is actually incredible.
Christina:
Tight.
Drew:
So this wedding was at Northern California. Which means you both expand your remains for a few times to shag and check out and eat at restaurants and fuck. And you also offer to split the expense of the today joint area, but she laughs you off and is also want, “Obviously perhaps not, honey.” Therefore, the after that three days are miracle. You feel your walls tumbling down. You’re dropping quicker than you previously have. Would U-Haul?
Christina:
So only for clearness’s benefit, i am having a hard time picturing some sort of for which I got three surprise times from work to hang out with people i really do not know. That appears bonkers. But if i did so, good-for me. But I’m simply not U-Hauling at this stage. It will likely be a no.
Drew:
Great. Okay. That is okay. You only found. I have it. I get it. Okay.
Christina:
Many thanks such.
Drew:
So she comes back to New York and also you come back to Philadelphia.
Christina:
That is where I live.
Drew:
And you’re texting everyday. That is where you live as well as being in which this lady resides. And you are texting everyday while see both several times monthly. She actually is really busy along with her task, but she actually is fast to purchase you a train violation so you’re able to arrive see their and remain at the woman breathtaking brownstone in Fort Greene. Then 6 months pass. And another night when you’re out to dinner, she asks you to relocate together with her. Would U-Haul?
Christina:
And go on to Nyc? I do not really like ny. No, I am not relocating at 6 months tag. I am not undertaking that, no.
Drew:
Okay, okay. Entirely, completely, completely. Wow. Okay. So you hold dating long-distance. She realizes that you may need some time she is happy to loose time waiting for you. Some more several months move. It really is now been over a year. Your property owner lets you know they are offering your place to a developer that is putting in apartments, which means you can not renew it. You will need to get a hold of another location. Your own today gf tells you that no stress, but the woman provide nonetheless stands. Would U-Haul?
Christina:
Okay. At this time, I would personally U-Haul for two explanations.
Drew:
Yay! Okay. Kindly tell us.
Christina:
Mostly, in a world which my personal landlord sold my house to cultivate it, my landlord is my closest friend, to ensure that appears like something has gone incorrect inside our friendship. And I also should merely leave Philadelphia anyway. And when I have to maneuver in using my girl over here, that looks great. Which is okay. Totally fine. But yeah, i believe i would require an external energy like a mean property manager.
Drew:
That’s so â fine. Used to do think that you might have to require construction to get indeed there, thus I’m grateful We knew that.
Christina:
Yeah. That is just what actually needs to happen to me very first.
Drew:
Really, i am grateful to understand what it does take. Thus theoretically, if perhaps you weren’t knocked out, exactly how much more hours?
Christina:
Frankly, that could have gone on for quite some time. Philly and nyc are not also that definately not each other. I acquired area over right here. We are moving back and forth. We are having happy times. I possibly could have allow that roll for a long time until i assume Shoshana turns into the worst person I know.
Drew:
I didn’t realize that Shoshana possessed your home. Really, there you choose to go.
Christina:
There we go. Wow, which was exciting.
Drew:
Well, many thanks for playing.
Christina:
I’m stressed, to be clear.
Drew:
And I’m grateful that i understand⦠perhaps in case you are ever before, anytime anyone’s ever matchmaking both you and desires that move in, perhaps the girlfriend told Shoshana to sell our home in the interests of your relationship.
Christina:
Truthfully the fastest means â some body would simply have to communicate with Shoshana and start to become want, “Just kick her aside.” After which she’d be like, “Yeah, sure. Needless to say.” That would be how it happened, regardless of if she failed to promote the house. Someone would you need to be like, “Could you simply stop their out very she will just overcome it and move in with me?” And she’d state yes. One hundred percent she’d do this. That is what friendship is.
Drew:
I really like that.
Christina:
Yeah, which is really beautiful.
Drew:
Really, personally i think like we discovered a lot about yourself.
Christina:
Cheers. Personally I think like I learned much about myself personally, as well. Risk of homelessness is really the matter that keeps me transferring any circumstance, i assume. Wow.
Drew:
Well, which is fantastic.
Christina:
That was actually fascinating. I’m just as excited to move into the major part because i do believe speaing frankly about lesbian connectivity because of this guest, with this specific unique visitor, In my opinion it will likely be remarkable, Drew. How could you be feeling?
Drew:
I am so thrilled. That is a specialized. By that, I mean an
L Word
expert, and some a specialist within the topic accessible.
Christina:
I believe a few things can be correct, my buddy. I do believe a couple of things can be correct indeed. Do we wish present our very own guest or will we desire all of our guest to introduce on their own?
Drew:
I’d love the guest to introduce by herself.
Christina:
Guest.
Drew:
I’ll say that the visitor may be the only Riese Bernard.
Christina:
Guest, talk.
Riese:
Hi, I Am Riese. And is unusual to get the visitor!
Christina:
Yeah, really.
Riese:
I’d to not state something. I didn’t also do so. I did so state situations. I’d to stay here silently.
Christina:
Therefore were truly brave. As well as your confronts happened to be appreciated.
Riese:
Thanks a lot really.
Christina:
Though this is certainly certainly an audio method, I want our audience to find out that Riese ended up being producing some good reaction faces during “Would U-Haul.”
Riese:
There is many ways is heard. You know what after all? That’s what I always state. I will be the CEO of Autostraddle.com. And that I’m additionally on an undefeated kickball team. That is certainly me personally. I have your dog called Carol. And that I have actually dated individuals.
Christina:
Congrats on kickball!
Riese:
Thanks. I’ve been involved in individuals.
Christina:
Great. Enjoying that. That’s fantastic to create to this, this right here dating podcast. That’s excellent.
Riese:
Yeah. I do believe that⦠Is there anything?
Drew:
No, In my opinion that is great, Riese.
Christina:
What you may need share.
Riese:
I enjoy raspberries, the fruit raspberries, and pools.
Christina:
In Contrast toâ¦
Riese:
You Are Sure That an individual goes likeâ¦
Drew:
It really is like once you strike. Yeah.
Christina:
Oh. Those are gross, and so I just evacuated them from my head.
Riese:
Yeah. That is certainly all.
Christina:
Great.
Drew:
Well, we immediately looked at you for this subject.
Christina:
That is correct.
Drew:
Because to start with, clearly, queer ladies and non-binary people in lesbian society being like, I’m not sure, making love with folks whom people they know experienced intercourse with since long before
The L Word
ended up being actually a string. But i actually do feel
The L Word
solidified a certain social idea of the data with Alice Pieszecki. I really felt like you’d have a lot of insight into this topic.
Riese:
It is true. A couple of article authors, I would like to state, of
The L Keyword
had this genuine information of these and their buddies they were attracting about wall structure or whatever. And Guinevere Turner, i do believe, ended up being one of those. She chatted to you about any of it, that they had developed this. Because demonstrably, everybody else for the reason that copywriter’s area had fucked people in the blogger â you realize, while the lengthy web of the generation of lesbians in L. A.. And so they saw that and they were like, “Why don’t we place it in tv show.” Many of those take the data. Like, one particular whom ⦠like, real men and women are regarding information as bull crap.
Christina:
Which is wonderful. That’s the method that you know you’ve made it.
Riese:
Isn’t that adorable?
Christina:
That could be exciting in my situation.
Riese:
And so if you haven’t viewed
The L Word,
to begin with, congrats. Second, it gets the centerpiece of a single of our own direct personality, Alice’s, apartment. She has it all over the woman wall. And in addition it will be the name of an internet site they started known as ourchart.com that flopped. Together with concept ⦠And it’s when you look at the pilot, i do believe. In the initial occurrence, Alice begins dealing with just how every person’s connected, because everyone’s connected with this particular individual. And I can hook up you, as if you’re most likely at the most two degrees from the me personally. Hence had been true. Like, despite having Dana, who had not a lot of experience because she had been a closeted tennis user, they nonetheless could link the girl. That is certainly true to life since it is real.
Christina:
That is tradition. Yeah. That is what culture appears like.
Riese:
That’s culture. That is queer culture there. Now everybody else makes their particular maps.
Christina:
Yeah. So would end up being my subsequent concern, was have either people made a chart? Because Really don’t think i’ve, I am also sorts of today thinking like, what was this a year ago sitting at my residence for easily don’t generate a chart? Like, that which was the point of that, truly?
Riese:
I believe I completed it within my diary, equally like ⦠Because i love, I am not sure, arranging details, I guess, as a thought physical exercise.
Christina:
Yeah, i do believe that’s also precisely why i will be astonished that i’ven’t completed it. I really like the notion of categorizing situations.
Riese:
Right. Yeah. Since it is fascinating. I am not sure precisely why its very interesting, but it is. Its interesting getting want, wow, a few of these people, they are connected. It really is wild.
Drew:
From the show, as soon as ourchart.com is created, they usually have an actual information that people will add things. And that I feel something that you joked when it comes to on
To L and Right Back,
nowadays folks say always is similar to, if this existed in a genuine way, nobody would place their names upon it, no body would feel at ease getting their names about it.
Riese:
You’ll.
Drew:
I would. I would be extremely great with it existing. I would never ever add someone else without their particular permission. Although notion of want, each and every time someone ended up being like, “Confirm that you are connected to myself,” I’d be like, “Yeah, it is the life I stayed. I don’t worry about.” Is the fact that weird? Is problems?
Christina:
No, since if I happened to ben’t, I would feel terrible not ⦠I would wind up as, “hold off, I am not about it? Like, i am sorry, exactly what?” No, that will actually send me into lighting ethical panic about who i’m as you, what I’m undertaking. Are I interesting? Carry out men and women {like